Keeping up with the times: How to communicate in a diverse and gender-appropriate way?

Language can play a big role in how we perceive the world. The words and phrases we use reflect the values and attitudes of our society. That's why sentences and words from the past can sometimes sound very offensive, while they were not considered offensive back then. When the world is changing, language needs to change as well. 

The world is becoming more open to self-expression and gender-expression in every possible way. Society came a long way in accepting these changes, but still has a long way to go. Language needs to change, it needs to become more inclusive to everybody.

As a communications agency, we want to respect the identity of the people we communicate about and therefore use language that recognizes and includes everyone. We also want to set an example for others, but we are in no way perfect. Everybody makes mistakes, and we definitely made our fair share of them in the past. But that’s okay, as long as we learn from them and hold ourselves accountable for creating inclusive content each and every day.

Gender or sex, which one should I use?

These two terms are often used synonymously, but they are not the same. For example, the Grammy-winning singer Sam Smith was assigned male at birth, but came out as non-binary in 2019. Since then, they also changed their pronouns to they/them.  

Thus, sex and gender are not synonyms and shouldn't be used interchangeably. The former, refers to the biological sex assigned at birth. Most people think this is just male or female, but 1.7% of the population is born with intersex traits. This means that they are born with a reproductive or sexual anatomy that does not neatly fit into a female or male box. 

The latter, gender, refers to how a person identifies themselves. It is a social construct and a social identity. People can identify as male, female, non-binary, gender-fluid, gender-neutral and many more. It can be on a spectrum, meaning that it can change every day and doesn’t have to be limited to one label.

It’s incorrect to use the term ‘sex’ over the term ‘gender’. The term ‘sex’ should only be used when the biological sex assigned at birth is relevant to the context. In most cases, ‘gender’ is the right term to use.

Pronouns? What? How? 

The world is changing, and many of us are (becoming) more accepting of how anyone wants to express themselves. To increase the awareness of this change, language also needs to change. We need to get rid of or change the unconscious stereotyping and discriminating words and phrases our language is full off.

In the past, just two pronouns appeared to be enough, he and she, but these are not inclusive to everyone. So in the last decade(s) people have started to use they as a third singular pronoun, as a gender-neutral alternative. But there are more new pronouns, called neopronouns, like ye, per, ve, xe and many more. The University of Wisconsin made a list of commonly used (neo)pronouns and how to use them, as well as an online app to practice them. The most used gender-neutral pronouns are ‘they’ and ‘them’. A survey amongst LGBTQ youth (ages 13-24) shows that 25% of them do not limit themselves to just using the pronouns he or she. 5% of them just use ‘they/them’. Others (16%), are comfortable going by multiple pronouns like ‘she’ and ‘they’. 

Source graphic: The Trevor Project , University of Wisconsin

All these different options can get quite overwhelming. How do you know which pronouns to use for people you just met? 

The answer is to just ask! So when writing about someone, it is advised to use the pronouns of the individual and to not assume them. A good way to do this is by introducing yourself with your own pronouns, for example: “Hello, my name is Charlie and my pronouns are they/them.” It is also good practice to add your pronouns in your email signature. This way, no one needs to assume anything, and you’re helping make this standard for everyone. Adding the word ‘preferred’ before pronouns is also not the best way to go. This word implies that the pronouns are optional and everyone can choose what pronouns to use for that person, which is not the case. 

When speaking about an unknown person or a hypothetical person, it’s best to refer to them with ‘they’ to not assume anything. This also prevents stereotyping like ‘she’ when talking about a nurse and ‘he’ when talking about a CEO. When the right pronoun is known, it can be used in written text and spoken language. 

Was English always this gender-neutral?

The use of ‘they’ as singular is not new at all. It can be traced back to the 14th century. Old English was spoken in the fifth and sixth centuries. In different regions of England, different languages were spoken. In these languages, adjectives, articles, and pronouns were feminine, masculine, or neutral. By the twelfth century, Middle English started to be spoken and this had (almost) no gendered nouns anymore. How did that happen? The assigned genders of words were completely random and thus did not transcend well between different regional languages. To make it easier, the gendered nouns were gradually dropped. Now there are only a few gendered terms left, like actor and actress. 

In more recent times, there is an effort to include more gender-neutral terms. Ford and GM, for example, changed “chairman” to “chairperson” to be more gender-neutral. 

Gendered terms

In everyday language, there are a lot of words and phrases that refer to specific gender and stereotypes. You may have not thought much about it, but examples of this are policeman, fireman, and mailman. These terms enforce gender stereotypes that all police officers and firefighters identify as male. There are people in these fields that don’t identify as male. It is good practice to avoid referring to all human beings with ‘man’. There are enough other more inclusive terms. Here is a list of every day gendered terms and their gender-neutral equivalents. Some easy examples are: partner or spouse instead of boy/girlfriend, wife, husband; and sibling instead of brother or sister. In general, replacing the word ‘man’ by ‘person’ is a good starting point. 

Why is this important?

Using the right pronouns is showing respect for someone's gender identity. It shows that you accept and respect them for whom they are. A study from the USA found that 34% of transgender youth going to school have suicidal thoughts. This is almost double compared to other adolescents at 19%. Showing respect by using the pronouns as stated by the individual can seem like something small, but it can really make a big difference, not only for them, but for all of us. 

By not using the right terms and pronouns it can be implied that nonbinary, transgender or non-conforming people do not exist. Using the right pronouns and gender inclusive terms will help in creating an inclusive environment where everyone feels acknowledged.

Sometimes asking about someone's pronouns can be experienced as offensive. Some people feel like their gender expression should be clear and there should be no need to ask. This can sometimes be especially sensitive for transgender people who use he/she pronouns. They could feel like their gender expression should be clear enough to tell the right pronouns that way. On the other hand, it can be offensive to assume the gender and get the pronouns wrong. Some people are more gender-fluid and express themselves as very masculine one day and as very feminine another day, and thus use pronouns that are unexpected to the way they present themselves. 

There are a lot of opinions and standpoints on this topic, so sometimes there is no one right way to get it right. 

In those moments, remember: making mistakes is only human. When making a mistake in pronouns, just correct yourself and don’t go into apologizing overload. Hearing the wrong pronoun can be hurtful, but hearing a long apology about it can be even more upsetting. When other people use the wrong pronoun when talking about that person, it is the right thing to correct that person. 

Not all people are bad willed. Sometimes they just are not well-informed about the importance of pronouns. Educating them will help them understand more. 

Conclusion

As a communications agency that has “respect” as one of our core values, we aim to use inclusive and respectful language at all times. We make a conscious effort to use the right pronouns and avoid gendered terms. It is and will be a journey with ups and downs, but we will get there together. 

Below, you can find a list of gender-neutral alternatives to commonly used gendered terms.